Stephen Wright

ok, so i was surfing the net and i came across these quotes by a guy named stephen wright, i guess he's a comedian of sorts, and i thought that they were hilarious and also words to live by. they reminded me of one of my other fave comedians, mitch hedburg :) figured i'd share...

Wisdom of Stephen Wright

here are a few -isms to get you stared

* I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
* I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
* What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
* They told me I was gullible......and I believed them.
* Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
* What if there were no hypothetical questions?
* One nice thing about egotists. They don't talk about other people.
* When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
* What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
* Is there is another word for synonym?
* Is it possible to be totally partial?
* What's another word for thesaurus?
* If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
* Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste a lot like chicken?
and one of my faves:
* Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.